I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
