do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
