yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
