i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
