I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
