I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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