sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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