God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
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i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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