I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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