It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
