Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
