rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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