I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
