I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
