we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
