Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
