It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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