a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
