This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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