Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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