she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
