Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
