I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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