you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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