The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
