i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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