She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
