he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
