don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He passed out mid-signature
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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