You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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