she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
