YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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