Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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