1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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