Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
