im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I stole a fireplace last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
