Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
