he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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