my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
