i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
