The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
