And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize