We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
