the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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