whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
