my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize