she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it hurts more in the daytime
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
