That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
