She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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