I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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