You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
