I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love you. Go after that dick
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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