shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
