I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
