he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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