Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
