U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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