So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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