I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We are all done wearing pants today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
