every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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