we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
