It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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