There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ttyl tear gas
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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