Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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