I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
