I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I supernannyed him into submission
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
