They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
